


False Cognates

by kijikun



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, F/F, F/M, Interspecies Romance, M/M, Miscommunication, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, main pairing - jadekat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 13:42:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijikun/pseuds/kijikun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when speaking the same language, inter-species relationships are prone to miscommunications.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kink meme prompt:   
> A/N: Written for the prompt on the kink meme (though it sort is going off to the left):
> 
> Pity fuck:  
> Alternian english An extremely loving form of sex, which is much slower than regular pailing and for matesprits who are especially close to one another human analogous to the phrase “making love”
> 
> Pity fuck:  
> Human english When someone has sex with someone else because they feel sorry for them.
> 
> Human overhears his/her matesprit talking to one of his/her troll friends about throwing him a pity fuck, gets the wrong end of the stick entirely. Shenanigans ensue.
> 
> Beta: obstinate-nocturna

Karkat lays on the roof of his hive staring at the moon. Fucking thing isn't even the right color. The stars are all wrong and -- Karkat covers his occulars with his arm. 

The game has been over for almost two solar cycles of the new world they created. Sometimes for those who played it, Karkat especially, it sometimes feels like mere days, other times like sweeps. 

The new world is -- strange. 

The sky is the wrong color, though all the humans assure him blue is a perfectly normal color. The grass is blue which sort of weirds the humans out too and has Dave making cracks about Namaks. Whatever the fuck Namaks are. 

The humans say the planet's land masses are different from Earth. To which Karkat replied, no shit this isn't Earth. Which got him elbowed by Jade.

It's not just the physical parts of the new world that make it strange. 

Trolls and humans live side by side. Well, not always side by side. That's more a recent thing it seems, though fuck it if Karkat can wrap his head around all the new history he's supposed to act like he's always known. (Sometimes he worries that the others have had these memories ingrained into their 'pans and its just his defective sponge that has turned into a sieve). 

Mostly Trolls live in the United Kingdom of Alterina. Karkat still doesn't fully believe what he's read about it (what he has to act like he grew up knowing). He's supposed believe _trolls_ have a peaceful society where the Empresses is a mere figure head? Where even lowbloods get a say about laws and policies of the empire? 

He supposes it's worse for Feferi whose caught up in all of that. She's still the Heiress, but the current Empresses _adores_ her and is her 'grand-ancestor' - whatever that's supposed to mean. 

He mostly knows what's happening with Feferi through Eridan and Sollux. Eridan who gets to see Feferi almost everyday (Karkat wonders if they've truly worked things out or if Feferi is tolerating Eridan because he's familiar), and Sollux who talks to her a great deal on Trollian. 

Most of Karkat's friends wound up in the United Kingdom of Bullshit. Somehow Karkat wound up in the Federation of Human Nations, as did Sollux, Tavros, and oddly enough Gamzee. 

Supposedly Karkat 'great-grand ancestor' fled to human lands back when caste discrimination was still strong. Tavros's 'family' has a similar story. Gamzee -- Karkat doesn't know because he hasn't asked because that would require seeing Gamzee and he's still not ready for that. 

His bloodpusher is still in pieces there.

Some things are normal. Karkat was raised by his crab lusus, though apparently the practice of letting a lusus raise wigglers was considered 'old fashioned' and 'inhumane' these days. 

Tavros has both Tinkerbull and a humanstyle lusus - a parent, a father. An adult troll that looks way too much like Rufio from the dream bubbles. Sollux has _two_ adult trolls as 'parents', look alikes of Mituna and Latula. Sollux says its weird, but kind of cool.

It makes Karkat wonder if there is a Kankri look alike out there. It makes him wonder why he only has a lusus.

Figures he'd be unwanted even on this new hunk of rock.

But that's not completely true, and he knows it.

There's his weird almost pale thing with Kanaya whose moving to human lands to be with Rose (whose female human lusus is now matesprits with John's human lusus and fuck if he can keep track of it all). He has a weird quadrantless friendship with Dave and John. John who lives not two miles from Karkat's hive. 

He's got --

"Oof," he mutters, as a solid weight settling very quickly on his lap. "What did I say about teleporting in on top of me you spongedead moron? We're going to wind up stuck together or something!"

Jade drags his arm away from his face as she giggles. He let hers.

"Then you'd know I was coming!" she protests, leaning down to kiss his sniffnode. 

Karkat makes a face that he hope conveys how much she missed the point. And she missed the point by galactic light years. "That's the point you wretched loonyblocked shittard," he mutters, though without much force. When she giggles again and twines her fingers through his, he sighs. "If I know you're here I can't accidently hurt you." 

She can still teleport, sure, but god tier doesn't mean much now. And she bleeds too easily.

Jade settles down on top of him, her rumble spheres pressing against his chest. "You won't," she promises with a gentle tip to his chin. She might have lost of the dog ears, but her teeth are still sharper than most humans. "Now why were you up here brooding?"

"I don't brood," Karkat protests.

"You brood like a vampire in a TW teen drama," Jade laughs. "You could get a starring role off your brooding alone."

Karkat scowls, but his fingers find their way into her soft hair and he can't really be mad. "I was thinking how different everything is."

It's been two solar cycles, he should be over this.

Jade strokes her thumb over his knuckles. "Sometimes I wake up and think I'm back on my island. I wind up biting John and Rose's heads off about the stupidest of things because I don't want to live in that stupid little normal house. I want my grandpa's house and all the weird stuff in it and my island with its frog statues and --"

She trails off. 

"We could look for your island," he suggests. "Maybe it's still out there someplace."

Jade leans up on her elbow and gives him the brightest of smiles. "Who's the best boy. It's you." 

Then she kisses him, soft and sweet.

He nips at her bottom lip, cradling the back of her skull with his hand. His sharp teeth draw a drop of blood but he licks it away and she's shivers in response. 

Karkat pities this stupid fragile human girl so much. 

He wants to give her a pity fuck. 

Jade pulls back just enough that their lips separate and rests her forehead against his. "I should go before someone checks my room and sees I'm gone," she says regretfully.

Karkat's tempted to growl and drag her down for another kiss. "You need to learn to leave a note." He lets her go and she sits up. The pressure its puts on his groin doesn't help his will power in letting her leave. "What did you come by for anyways?"

Jade runs her fingers through her hair, trying to straighten the mess he's made of it. "I wanted to ask you something," she says then bites her bottom lip.

Karkat raises an eyebrow. "Well, ask away."

She huffs and smacks his arm. "I'm getting there!" She sticks her tongue out at him. "I know - I mean Rose has been wearing Kanaya's sign for years now and John just started wearing Vriska's --"

Both Karkat's eyebrows shoot up. "When the fuck did that happen?"

Jade scowls at him. "Not the point, Karkat! You can ask John tomorrow. Or Vriska. I wanted to -- " she huffs then wrinkles her nose. "This is stupid. I should go."

He catches her hand before she moves off of him. "Jade," he says as softly as he can manage it.

"Can I wear your sign?" she says in a rush. 

Karkat stares up at her. His thinkpan is a scrambled mess at the thought of her displaying his sign. Part of him is pleased as fuck, but another part of him - the part that still fears being culled for his blood - fears for her. "Yeah," he croaks out.

"Yeah?" she repeats.

"That's what I said isn't it?" he snaps.

Jade leans down again and kisses him hard and quick. The movement makes her hips rock against his and they both moan softly into the kiss. 

She's blushing when she straightens up. "Okay. Okay, really have to go now," she says, though she leans down for another kiss.

It's three more kisses before she does go and it takes all Karkat's willpower to try not and convince her to stay. When she finally leaves, Karkat bites his knuckles and stares unseeing at the sky.

Shit, he wants her.

And, fuck, he's going to have to ask someone how you go about pity fucking a human.


	2. Chapter 2

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxilatrix [GA] at 16:13

CG: KANAYA.

CG: YOU HAVE BEEN MATESPRITS WITH ROSE FOR A SWEEP OR SO.

GA: Do You Require Something Karkat

GA: I Am Busy With Packing

GA: Yes I Have Been As You Know

GA: Am I Do Believe You Suddenly Have An Issue With Mine And Roses Relationship Or Is This A Lead In To Asking For Quadrant Advice

CG: WHO FUCKING SAYS I NEED QUADRANT ADVICE? MAYBE I JUST WANT TO SEE HOW THINGS ARE. CONSIDERING YOU'RE MOVING ACROSS A FUCKING OCEAN TO BE WITH HER.

GA: You Are Wondering Then Why I Didnt Make This Move Sooner

CG: HORRORTERRORS FUCK NO, I'M NOT WONDERING THAT. 

GA: I Am Aware That There Are Those In Our Group That Question My Commitment To Her

GA: Rose Has Questioned It Herself

GA: I Thought It Would Be Wise For Us To Have An Adjustment Period On Our Own After Living So Much In Each Others Pockets

CG: KANAYA. I AM NOT QUESTIONING YOUR MATESPRITSHIP WITH ROSE. YOU TWO ARE THE MOST FUNCTIONING STABLE PEOPLE IN OUR PATHETIC DYSFUNCTIONAL GROUP. 

GA: I Believe That Says More About Our Group Than Me And Rose

CG: WAIT ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE HAVING DOUBTS? ABOUT YOU AND ROSE?

GA: I

GA: I Worry That She Approved Of This Move More Out Of Misguided Loyalty Than An Actually Want To Have Me There

CG: ROSE HAS BEEN 'APARTMENT' SHOPPING WITH HER FEMALE HUMAN LUSUS FOR WEEKS NOW. TO THAT POINT IT'S GETTING BULGEHUMPINGLY ANNOYING BECAUSE THEY KEEP DRAGGING JADE WITH THEM. JADE SAYS THEY'RE TRYING TO FIND A PLACE SUITED TO BOTH TROLLS AND HUMANS. MOST PLACES APPARENTLY AREN'T RATED TO HANDLE A RECUPERACOON. I THINK THEY FINALLY FOUND A PLACE NOT FAR FROM MY HIVE.

GA: Rose Did Not Tell Me About This

CG: FUCK. MAYBE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE? SHIT, I'M SORRY.

GA: No No Youve Put Some Of My Fears To Rest

GA: It Is Gratifying To Know That Shes Putting So Much Effort Into My Comfort

GA: Thank You

CG: I LIVE TO BE OF USE.

GA: Was There Something You Wanted To Ask Me About

CG: YES. 

CG: NO.

CG: FUCK. IT CAN WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE. YOU KNOW. IN PERSON. 

GA: Is This Not Something You Can Ask The Advice Of Others

CG: FUCK NO. SOLLUX WOULD BE CLUELESS ABOUT THIS AND I'LL GOUGE OUT MY OCULARS AND EAT THEM BEFORE I TALK TO FUCKING VRISKA. 

GA: So This Is About Jade

GA: You Could Speak To Dave

CG: YES LET ME ASK JADE'S EX FOR ADVICE ON THIS MATTER. HA HA, NO. EVEN IF I THOUGHT HE'D GIVE ME A STRAIGHT FUCKING ANSWER, WHICH HE WOULDN'T, I'M NOT THAT TACTLESS. AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY TALK TO TEREZI.

GA: I Was Not Going To

GA: I Will Be There In A Week If You Think This Is A Matter That Can Wait For Me To Be There

CG: IT CAN. I AM CAPABLE OF BEING PATIENT. 

GA: I Am Aware You Are

GA: I Am Hesitant To Change The Subject And Bring This Up

GA: But I Feel I Must

GA: Have You Spoken To Gamzee

CG: NO. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT DOUCHELORD CLOWN.OR TALK TO HIM. OR LOOK AT HIM. OR BREATH THE SAME AIR AS HIM.

GA: Alright I Will Not Push At This Juncture

GA: Though I Feel At Some Point I Must

CG: I NEED TO GO. THERE ARE MORONS THAT REQUIRE MY ATTENTION.

GA: I Will Speak To You Later Then

CG: LATER, KANAYA.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling grimAuxilatrix [GA] at 16:25  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets dragged along on a triple-date.

Karkat scowls, knowing Jade can't really see his face. The park is dark except for the area the movie is being shown at. He keeps scanning the ground, half convinced Jade will step in a hole and twist her ankle or something equally horrible. 

"I really don't see the point in this," he tells her. "We could watch this at my hive. Why do we have to come out into the middle of nowhere with god knows what creatures lurking around to sit on the hard fucking ground to watch a film with a bunch moronic strangers that will probably talk through half the damn thing."

Jade snorts and squeezes his hand. "Because it's fun," she teases. "And you know the area is perfectly safe. It's the park. The most dangerous creature around here is you." 

She leans in and kisses his cheek.

He refuses to let to mollify him. "Well did we have to make this - what the fuck did you call it? A triple date?"

"John and Dave are your friends too," Jade reminds him.

"Not the point!" Karkat gripes. "Vriska will probably try to have sloppy makeouts with John the whole time and disgust everyone with taste for miles. And do we even _know_ who Dave is bringing? A human, troll, maybe a blowup doll to try and be ironic?"

Jade laughs. "I promise if Vriska and John start having sloppy makeouts mid movie I'll climb in your lap and we'll show them what sloppy makeouts really look like."

Karkat's face heats up. Jade's wearing one of her long flowy black skirts and he can just imagine it spread across his lap. He bites his bottom lip to keep in a whimper. 

"I think you and John will be too busy actually _watching_ the movie and will summarily turn us girls down if we try to get frisky," Jade giggles.

"What movie is it anyway? You never said and John's never online anymore," Karkat says.

"Princess Bride," Jade says, then points across the field. "Look there's John and Vriska, they've already got a blanket setup."

She tugs him along as if she couldn't just teleport them there.

"Troll or human version?" Karkat asks, because that's pretty much the most important information.

"Human," Jade tells him. "Troll is next weekend and we'll be going with Rose and Kanaya."

Karkat bites his tongue on asking if she's going to start asking him before she makes plans that include him sometime in the near future, but their already at the blanket. 

Vriska shows off her teeth more than she grins up at him, from where she's snuggled up at John's side. "Did you get lost, Vantas? Thought I was going to have to send John out to look for you two. Or did Jade start chasing a squirrel?"

Karkat bares his own teeth at the slight against his matesprit. Okay, yes, Jade did get distracted by a rabbit, but only _he_ is allowed to tease her about it. 

"It was a rabbit," Jade says cheerfully, though she's blushing a little.

John groans and rolls his eyes. "I thought you'd stopped that."

Jade sniffs and sits down on the blanket. "I just stopped bringing them home."

For a split second Karkat's a little worried, then Jade and John dissolve into giggles. He rolls his eyes and sits down next to Jade. "Where the fuck is Dave?"

"Probably being ironically late or something," John says, passing a bag of sour worms across Vriska and Jade to Karkat. 

Karkat loves sours worms. It's one of the best things these bulgelicking humans ever came up with. Alterina had them but they were _actually worms_ , these things are nothing by sugar and sour. John is forever one of his favorite humans for bringing them.

As if summoned by his name Dave seems to appear out of nowhere. "Yo," he says, with that familiar shit eating grin. "Did I hear my good name being taken in vain?"

"You'd have to have a good name first," Karkat grouses, craning his neck to see who it is with Dave.

It takes him a second to recognize the troll with Dave. They've put on height since the last time Karkat saw them. Plus, you know the fact that they're supposed to be a fucking ocean away. 

Dave slings his arm around the trolls waist. "You guys remember Eridan, right?"

Vriska _snickers_. She smiles up at Eridan, showing off all her teeth. "Didn't know you were into slumming, Ampora," she sneers.

Eridan flushes a dull violet, either in shame or rage. Karkat kind of hopes it's shame, because he really doesn't want things turning bloody. 

"Vriska!" John hisses.

They descend into a soft, mostly hissed argument. 

Dave's has pulled Eridan tighter against his side, his knuckles white. He's still smiling, but there is an edge to it. 

Holy fucking shit. That's Dave's don't fuck with someone I care about face. Karkat _knows_ that face. He actually cares about Eridan. 

When the bugfucking hell did this all happen?

Jade springs to her feet. "Dave!" she squeaks happily. "You didn't tell me you were bringing Eridan."

She throws her arms first around Dave, then Eridan, bestowing them both with a kiss on the cheek. Karkat clamps down on the twinge of jealousy that threatens to turn his stomach. 

"Jadey," Dave laughs. "Careful you'll make Karkles jealous."

Karkat snorts. "Like I'd be jealous of a bulgesucker like you."

"Eridan's the bulgesucker in this realtionship," Dave says smuggly, which makes Eridan flush harder.

"Davve, oh my god," Eridan whines.

Jade smacks Dave's shoulder. "Behave," she scolds him.

"Yes ma'am," he says with a wink. 

"Don't you sass me, David Elizabeth Strider," Jade says, stamping her foot.

Karkat snickers under his breath.

Eridan detaches from Dave's side as Jade and Dave fall into playful bickering, and settles next down to Karkat on the blanket. 

"Hello, Kar," he says.

They haven't really talked since the meteor. It shows considering Karkat didn't have the slightest idea that a flushed Dave and Eridan pairing was even a possibility of a thing. Last he heard Eridan was still hanging on Feferi's every word an ocean away. 

"You got taller," Karkat says because fuck he can't just _ask_. 

Eridan smiles a bit at that. "Yeah, Davve is goin to wwind up shorter than me once I'm done growwin."

Karkat chuckles. "That'll piss him off."

"He'll deal," Eridan says confidently. "He might evven like it. Considerin he likes it wwhen I --"

Karkat grimances. "I would rather pull my pan slowly out my sniffenode than hear about what you and that heinous junglehumping dumbass do on the concupiscent platform."

Eridan waggles his eyebrows. "Sometimes wwe don't evven make it there."

"Arugh, I'm going to need a gallon of pan bleach," Karkat complains, but he's laughing. Eridan sounds -- happy. It sounds and looks good on him.

Karkat hasn't the last fuckjamming idea how Eridan wound up here with Dave, but maybe it doesn't matter in the long run. He and Eridan were kind of friends, weren't they? And it be nice to have a friend that's a troll nearby. 

"So howw are you an Jade doin?" Eridan asks.

Karkat shrugs and tries not to flush. "Haven't heard her complain," he says trying for smug and confident. It might come off a little flat, so he adds. "We're happy, I'm...happy."

Eridan looks like he wants to press for more solid details but Jade and Dave join them on the blanket. Jade snuggles up against Karkat's side, resting her head against his just right so that her ears flick against his throat when they twitch. Dave throws his arm around Eridan's slim shoulders. Vriska and John have stopped arguing. John's dragging his fingers through Vriska hair and Karkat is going to just keep on ignoring the fact that Vriska is purring.

John and Dave exchange a few words back and forth as the movies starts, but their quickly shushed by everyone. 

Karkat munches on a sour worm candy and settles back to watch the movie.


	4. Chapter 4

It's dusk and Karkat is sitting on the stoop outside John and Jade's hive (or rather the hive they share with their human male lusus). There's a "welcome" party for Kanaya going on inside. But Karkat felt too overwhelmed by too many bodies in too small of a space. So, he's out here trying to get over himself.

Not that there's a chance of that happening any time soon.

He wants to talk to Kanaya alone, but there hasn't been really a chance.

She and Rose are busy. And he's not that much of an asshole to demand Kanaya's time when she's so wrapped up in Rose. 

It's just -- it's getting harder and harder to let her go when she comes to visit. The way she slides into his lap and --

Karkat clamps his teeth together hard. He really doesn't need to be thinking about how soft she is or how good she feels above him - against him.

It's not that he doesn't know how it works. He's read up on human - troll stuff. He's watched some (a lot) of inter-species red porn. It's not brain surgery. Especially with human females. Bulge A goes into Nook B. 

Karkat chews at his bottom lip. He just doesn't want to fuck up and hurt Jade. Or scare her off. Or gross her out. 

He wants their first time to be perfect. It doesn't want it to be just mindless pailing, he wants it to be a true pity fuck.

"Kar, if you clench your jaww any tighter its goin' lock up like that," Eridan says, sitting down on the concrete stoop next to Karkat. "Wwhat are you doing out here by yourself?"

Biting back on a dozen things he could snap, he shrugs his shoulders instead. "What does it look like I'm doing, you brine-swilling asshole?"

"Gross, Kar," he says, scrunching up his crooked nose. "And it looks like you're brooding."

"I don't brood. I'm thinking," Karkat protests. 

Eridan snorts. "Looks like brooding to me," he teases. "Wwhat are you out here thinking about by yourself, then?"

Karkat glances up and over at Eridan then looks back at the gray surface of the sidewalk in front of him. "None of your business. What are you doing out here anyways, Eridan?"

"You'vve been out here a wwhile. I wwas wworried. Jade said to givve you space, but --" he trails off with a shrug.

Karkat turns his head to stare at Eridan. "Why the fuckwhiffing hell were you worried about me?"

Eridan shrugs again, staring right back. "You’re my friend. Wwe're friends still, aren't wwe?"

_Oh._

It would be easy to say they weren't. After what Eridan had done, but -- he'd never really stopped thinking of Eridan as a friend. He never liked dwelling on what Eridan had done and he always vowed he'd yell at him good and proper if he met Eridan in on of the Dream Bubbles. 

But they never did meet in the Dream Bubbles. And it's how many sweeps later plus the memories of the 'new' lives they lived here on this new world?

It's -- 

"Yeah, we're still friends, asshole," Karkat says.

Eridan smiles, and to Karkat's surprise he doesn't even look smug. "Good." He bumps his shoulder against Karkat's. "You goin’ to tell me wwhy your broodin'?"

Karkat makes a face, then huffs softly. "How'd you wind up with Dave anyway?"

"That can't be wwhat your brooding about," Eridan protests. He only sounds a little like he's whining. 

"It's not. Just answer the question," Karkat grouses right back.

Eridan shrugs. "Not much to tell, Kar. Wwe started talking online, I wwent to vvist him, Dualscar disowwned me, came here and Davve let me movve in wwith him." He shrugs again like it's no big thing.

Karkat stares. "That sounds like a fucking lot to tell," he points out. 

Eridan shakes his head. "Maybe, but I didn't come out here to talk about me."

Biting his tongue on a dozen insults he doesn't really mean, Karkat sighs instead. He'll get the full story out of Eridan eventually. He can't imagine Eridan's fully lost the love of talking about himself and his problems. "So you and Dave -- you guys have you know, right?"

Laughing, Eridan waggles his eyebrows. "Wwe are livving together, Kar."

Karkat feels himself flush. "Arugh, I don't know why I'm even talking to you, you giant disaster."

"Aww, don't be that wway, Kar," Eridan says. He doesn't pout which surprises Karkat. "Just tell me wwhy you're asking."

Huffing again, Karkat considers just going inside. But --

It would be nice to talk to someone, and for some reason it feels easier to talk to Eridan (fuck knows why) then even the prospect of talking about this to Kanaya. "How do you -- I mean it's not that I don't fucking know the mechanics of it -- but how do you and Dave," he trails off for a second, then forces the rest of the words out. "You know, do it."

Eridan doesn't waggle his eyebrows or laugh or do any of a hundred other things that would make Karkat want to punch him in his usually smug face. Instead his fins twitch slightly and he knocks his knees against Karkat's. "Havven't you an' Jade...?"

Karkat shakes his head. "No," he admits, looking down at his claws. 

"Oh," Eridan says intelligently. 

They're both silent for a moment.

Eridan coughs softly. "You knoww pailing a male human is upright different than a female, right?"

"Of course I know that!" Karkat snaps, still looking firmly at his claws. 

There a pause in which Karkat can almost _hear_ Eridan roll his eyes. "Kar, wwhy don't you tell me wwhy you twwo haven't pailed? I mean she's obvviously into you."

"I don't want to hurt her or fuck up or I don't know make it terrible!" Karkat says twitching. "I want -- I want it to be pity sex."

"I don't think you got to wworry about hurting her, just saying she does have god like powers an' all," Eridan points out. 

It's a perfectly reasonable point and Karkat wants to know when the bulge licking hell Eridan became anywhere near reasonable. 

"An' hate to say, but first times are alwways kinda terrible," Eridan says, his tone shifting to the softer end of his register. "Kinda wwas for me an' Davve."

Karkat makes a face. "No, that's because you two are douchelords that I somehow call my friends," he complains. All the books, movies, and shows he ever watched were always on about how special the first time was. They all couldn't be wrong.

Eridan's close enough that Karkat feels him shrug. "I'm just sayin’ the first time no ones really good at reading the other yet. An' you're nervvous an' things aren't as perfect an' easy as in the movvies." 

"So, it fucking hopeless," Karkat hisses. 

"Don't be ovver dramatic, Kar. That's my job," Eridan chuckles. "Can't tell you howw to do it. Just make sure she into wwhat your doin’ an' all. Wworked for me and Davve."

Karkat looks up at Eridan and tries to pretend he doesn't see the soft pitying look on his friend's face. He -- he's not going to rush into anything pale with anyone this time around. "We should get back to the party before they send someone else out looking."

Eridan doesn't argue. "If you wwant."

Nodding, Karkat gets to his feet and offers Eridan a hand up. "And Eridan?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," Karkat says, smiling.

Eridan's fins flutter slightly. "Wwhat are friends for?"


End file.
